well this is a new start. they aren't starting with the hosts. they want to give the actor and actress nominees even more screen time than they've gotten for the past THREE HOURS on the red carpet preshow. shame on you, oscars. don't think this will turn them into bigger donors for you. i hope like hell that they break into song in a second.
damn, no can do.
and now.... the HOSTS! ALEX BALDWIN AND STEVE MARTIN! AKA AMERICA'S FUNNY GUYS. wait what? neil patrick harris? oh cute, a little musical number... and harris' only good gimmick anymore: award show host for awards he will never earn. awwww, poor patrick.
and now he has some fancy peacock dancers. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THOSE FLOUR BUTT COVERUPS! so much flutter!!
at some point the real hosts will come out. is it now? is it? IS IT?
it is. and martin looks like scorcese for some reason. he's wearing some very hipster, dapper tortoise shell rimmed glasses. you wouldn't think they're the same height, but oh. they are.
so the opening monologue begins, and it isn't too long before they make the annual meryl streep joke. you know, the "she's nominated every time, we should just give her her own award each year......... since she never wins the award on her own." that sucks. and.... the typical helen mirron is hot joke. and another meryl reference. they are embarrassing the crap out of her.
now they mention precious and pan over to their cast. except gabourey sibide (sp?) takes up half the screen. oops. and wow, martin is all about the black humor tonight.
omg. floating wood sprites. yesssssssssssss. also, james cameron managed to cut his hair between the globes and the oscars. and they make fun of his divorce to fellow best director nominee kathryn bigelow, while simultaneously mocking toyota. touche.
oh yes twilight joke coming i can feel it........ oh nope. it's just about their fading hotness. not as funny.
penelope is presenting best supporting actor. she looks amazing in red. she always wears huge dresses. because she has a tiny frame and can. no question who is going to win this category. christoph waltz or whatever from inglorious bastards has won it in every single awards ceremony this year. other nominees are matt damon (invictus), woody harrison (the messenger), christopher plummer (the last station), stanley tucci (the lovely bones), christolph waltz (inglorious bastards). and the winner is.... drum roll.... yup, christolph waltz. also he looks the same that he did in the movie. i guess he didn't really have that much makeup on the shoot. did he just say uber? i think he did. five points for christolph. and there is director quentin tarantino's sole screenshot for the night, because everyone knows he's not going to win anything. sorry, quentin. his speech is getting longer, is he going to get the cue music? is he? is he? nope, he cut off.
and ( . )( . )
ryan reynolds gives the token trailer of oscar nom #1 for best picture. and so begins the TEN BEST MOVIE NOMINEE SUMMARIES. no wonder this is the second thing they do... because they have to do this NINE MORE TIMES before the end of the evening. i actually never saw this movie, but it looked awesome and most people said they liked it. of course this movie doesn't have a shot in hell of winning, but it gets a token nomination based on longevity in theaters... and because they had to fill out the rest of the top 10 somehow. i know five was too few, but now 10 is starting to seem like too much isn't it? there's a reason they haven't had 10 nominees since the 40s. THE 1940s.
ok commercial break. time to uncork some vino!
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