Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Posterous is back, I'm sorry.

Sorry, guys. You don't have a choice anymore and neither do I. I just volunteered to run an entertainment blog at work (hellooooooo live blogging!!!) and I simply cannot keep up with as many blogs as I have. I have to do some cheating.

So, Posterous posts will be shared on this blog. If I didn't this blog wouldn't be posted to often enough. But I'll also include my twice-weekly longer posts about my life's mayhem here as well. Those will most likely stay unique to this site, because frankly I don't need crazies reading about my life and biology over there on Pass Fail Meter... where I get many, many more visitors (i.e. strangers) per day.

I'll let you know when the entertainment blog at work gets started up in case you want to follow it. I believe that is actually going to be one blog that gets shared with two papers, the larger News-Herald and then one for Heritage Newspapers Western Region.

In summary!!! Here they are, with links and everything. Acquaint yourself, if you feel the need. My bloggies, linkies, pages, etc:

Life in an Inkpot * (* = you are here!)

Janawritesalot (Jana's Twitter account)

The Wire (Manchester Enterprise work blog)

ManchEnterprise (Manchester Enterprise Twitter account)

Pass Fail Meter (second personal blog, briefer posts, lots of vid and photos)

Entertainment 'R' Us (TBA: upcoming work entertainment blog... award show live blogging will continue)

Ok, did that make you tired reading it? Because it made me tired writing it... and thinking about it... arggghh.

Al Pacino as Jack Kevorkian: Fail

Sorry, Al. You might kind of look like him, but you still use the same voice you do in every other movie.

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Ricky Martin is gay: Not newsworthy enough to give a pass/fail

The photo is by John Riley over at AP.

Frankly, when this news came out it wasn't really news... mostly because people thought they had stumbled onto a years-old news thread. Wait, I thought he already came out? Apparently not. Well, good for him. I guess at least he's in the know now.

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Unbound Captives script: Undecided

Got this off Scribd. Worth a read. Soon to start Rachel Weisz, Hugh Jackman and the Twilight kid. Yeah, him.

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Twilight book No. 5: Fail

Just when you thought the Twilight series was wrapping up, and that maybe there was a chance that the universe of vampires would leave everyone alone... this comes out. This is essentially Stephanie Meyer's version of J.K. Rowling's "Beedle and the Bard." Except not, because it's supposed to actually enhance the Eclipse viewing and reading experience. The only thing that could do that, Stephanie, is a different writer and a different editor.

This little gem is the 10-page vampire life of Bree, the newborn vamp that gets killed by the Volturi in the clearing... on her Web site, Stephanie says it isn't "to earn more money" but we all know it will. A "free" version will be available online for about a week, which is ironic bc that's basically the same thing that happened with Midnight Sun and she got super pissed. I guess she wasn't done with it, but still.

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Sand Drawings: Pass

Side note: The woman in this video that starts tearing up needs to control herself. Also, how does one decide to be a sand sculptor of sorts?

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Sand Drawings: Pass

Side note: The woman in this video that starts tearing up needs to control herself. Also, how does one decide to be a sand sculptor of sorts?

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Girl speaks at UN: Pass

Whether her words move you or not, you have to admit it takes some balls to go into a room and tell everyone else in it that they are incompetent.

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Waste of water for cuteness: Pass

Either the smartest or the dumbest cat ever. I'll let you decide.

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Monday, March 29, 2010

Robert post red carpet interview. Eh, alright.. this one isn't bad: Pass

See? I'm not always a curmudgeon. I do enjoy when actors are able to make themselves seem intelligent.

Because let me tell you something about interviews. As an interviewer, they aren't as easy as one might think. Imagine walking into a room and getting asked questions that you aren't prepped on, knowing that your answers will be quoted and viewed by millions of people. Roll in that your career semi hinges on your ability to handle these situations, and you know the media wants to embarrass you and/or pull something interesting from you. If you think it's hard to mold responses to those e-mail surveys that float around in chain letters, then you don't stand a chance in a live interview.

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Friday, March 26, 2010

No more Posterous on here.

Ok, look. I've deleted the shared link between my Posterous blog, Pass Fail Meter, and this blog, Life in an Inkpot, because I got tired of seeing the same post come up twice on my google reader... especially considering I'm making way more daily posts to Posterous that are shorter. I felt like it was cluttering this blog and is in conflict with the type of posts that are unique to this blog in particular.

So if you're interested in both, you're going to have to either follow both, or follow me on Twitter where the sharing still exists for both accounts. One or the other.

Sorry for the spamming. I also got rid of the sharing between the Posterous and my Facebook, mostly for the same reason... the # of posts was diluting the quality of my Facebook profile. I didn't need all that crap, and it made me feel dirty... like a self promotion whore. A dirty self promotion whore with those skanky stockings with holes in them.

Nicholas Sparks' favorite coming-of-age book is his own: Fail

Based on the interview in the link below, it turns out that Nicholas Sparks is a bit of a douche, not that I'm overly surprised. I particularly enjoyed the writer's comments about Nights In Rodanthe, aka the worst novel Sparks has written. But "romance novel" vs. "love story" argument aside, I think we can all safely say that 100% of his books follow the same exact skeleton, and that he flips a coin at the end of each book to decide if the hero lives or dies. If that isn't formulaic, then I don't know what is.

And don't forget, he thinks he's better than Shakespeare, Hemingway and Cormac McCarthy. Oh, yes, Sparks... McCarthy is the overtly melodramatic one... I forgot that when The Notebook's heroine cries about having to pick between two perfect men, it was McCarthy's The Road that was REALLY manipulating drama. Or maybe you're full of shit, and yourself.

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Nicholas Sparks' favorite coming-of-age book is his own: Fail

Based on the interview in the link below, it turns out that Nicholas Sparks is a bit of a douche, not that I'm overly surprised. I particularly enjoyed the writer's comments about Nights In Rodanthe, aka the worst novel Sparks has written. But "romance novel" vs. "love story" argument aside, I think we can all safely say that 100% of his books follow the same exact skeleton, and that he flips a coin at the end of each book to decide if the hero lives or dies. If that isn't formulaic, then I don't know what is.

And don't forget, he thinks he's better than Shakespeare, Hemingway and Cormac McCarthy. Oh, yes, Sparks... McCarthy is the overtly melodramatic one... I forgot that when The Notebook's heroine cries about having to pick between two perfect men, it was McCarthy's The Road that was REALLY manipulating drama. Or maybe you're full of shit, and yourself.

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Ban on Fake Boobs in Pirates 4: Undecided

Is this good? Is it bad? Disney has officially banned actresses with fake boobs from answering their casting call for Pirates of the Caribbean 4. They aren't having it! Well, isn't that something. Gawker ( does a lovely little breakdown of how to see this through without undergoing sexual harassment.

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Bonus chapter revealed: Fail

Typically, it is my belief that the chapters that do not make it into books should remain on the cutting room floor. They didn't hack it for a reason, and as a writer you're only making yourself look bad to let people know just how bad some of your ideas really were. But I do understand that cult followings tend to suck up whatever you give them. Soooooo, remember that one time that Stephanie Meyer wrote that one scene in Eclipse where Bella was "half asleep" but really heard everything while her two love interests revealed all of their inner thoughts and motivations... (it took place in a tent)? Yeah, that's what we like to call a cheat. Way to be subtle about it, Meyers.

Well, apparently she did it again... in her book that wasn't about Twilight, The Host. The paperback version is out, and it includes a previously cut chapter with a scene where the main character was unconscious, hence not making sense in the scheme of the narrative. I haven't read it, but I'm going to assume that the two male leads banter back and forth about how much they love her and how much they want her to become a part of their club. It will add nothing of substance, but will make the horny teens happy.

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Sieg Heil: Pass & Fail

Hitler: Fail. Insect: Pass.

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Pug that looks like Princeton: Pass

Haiti's Weather Man: Fail

Oh, Twyla. You slayed him so hard.

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World Record Gag Reflex: Pass

This photo tells us two things. One, this man's nipples are happy to see me. Two, he has zero gag reflex. Also, those swords look fairly bendy... I dare him to try that with 18 buccaneer blades.

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Famous movie quotes in chart form: Pass

This came from this website. It is a very lovely depiction of the famous movie quotes of the past several decades, in chart form. Star Wars and Casablanca are probably my favorites. Enjoy!

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something unrelated to Robert Pattinson: Pass

Apparently, the behemoth that is AVATAR is looking out for all those fans that starting hating their lives when they learned Pandora isn't (and will never be) real. To make them feel better, the DVD and Blu-ray release date coincides with Earth Day, and the studio (Twentieth Century Fox) has launched a massive "plant the trees" campaign.

Basically, in a nut shell, if you cried yourself to sleep after Avatar's final credits because you too could not connect your sexual organs to a tree, fear not. Avatar has now inspired a worldwide initiative to plant 1,000,000 trees by the end of this year. That's a lot of new trees ripe for the tickling. So, that's something. Go here for more info:

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Yes, wax news again: Fail

I know, the repetition bothers me too. But I post what I see! The wax figure news just doesn't seem to end.. and in fact, this statue has now gone continental to visit both London and New York City... and the Twihards are actually offended that the likeness isn't complete. But that isn't stopping them from groping his waxy parts in the third and fourth pictures, just like I said they would.

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Seal Bomb: Pass

... and in about two seconds, he's going to eat his friends.

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Full wax statue: Even more Fail

Are his hands in his pockets? Or is he just excited to know he was fashioned after James Dean?

Cover ears before viewing if any prepubescents are near.

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Tinkering and testing, testing and tinkering.

I'm giving Posterous a go.... not because I'm throwing in the towel on this blog, but because my work blogs may soon be transferred to Posterous instead of Blogger.

So if you want to check it out and see for yourself, it's over here.

I've linked the blogs together, so when I post to Posterous, it should also show up here. We'll see. I've only been at this for a few hours... figuring it out.

"Remember Me" film misunderstood

Like most every other female between the ages of 10 and 60, I am familiar with the name Robert Pattinson. Most people know him as the brooding vamp from the Twilight series. What people know less of is whether or not he is just another teen idol or if he's a true-and-true Hollywood movie star. It was assumed that his new film Remember Me would answer that question. This topic has been dominating the movie airwaves as of late.

However, interestingly enough, the screenplay for this particular film was the thing that got the critics talking (or should I say yelling and screaming). It had an ending that was so polarizing that after watching about two hours of footage of Pattinson, co-star Emilie DeRavin (Lost) and Pierce Brosnan (Bond series)... the actors were the least important thing on everyone's mind.

Warning! SPOILERS! I'm going to attempt to break down why I believe this script is one of the more thought out pieces we've seen in a while, and why reading reviews on this movie makes me take the cliched response of, "they just don't GET IT!"... which I say petulantly and with great fervor. If you are interested in seeing this movie and haven't, I would advise skipping this post altogether.


Ok, so what's with the ending anyway?

I should say ahead of time that I read the script for this movie prior to its release in theaters. That happens a lot, actually. So I went into this movie knowing what was going to happen and taking note of all the foreshadowing. My first reaction after reading the ending was this is either the most offensive or the most brilliant ending I've ever read. I'm going to assume that my reading reaction is the same as people's viewing reaction. So why was it offensive?

Critics that hated the film are saying they felt cheated. I think that's an ironic choice of words, considering that it proves the film accomplished exactly what it intended to accomplish. This movie was about 9/11 from the beginning. In the opening shot when you see Ally and her mother with the two towers in the background, there aren't two characters in that scene... there are three. New York City is treated as a character element throughout. There are other elements as well that foreshadow Tyler's eventual death (i.e. Greek Mythology book = Greek tragedy parallel). But the point is, none of the foreshadowing is obvious enough to an unknowing viewer to make them aware that Tyler will be in the WTC when the planes hit. They will be shocked, angry and surprised.

But here's the thing... those are the very same emotions that people felt on Sept. 11. They were shocked, angry and surprised. In fact, they were CHEATED. We as a viewer come to care for Tyler. We want him and Ally to work out and we want his relationships with his parents to continue to improve. That is essentially the purpose of every film, to create an emotional attachment to the characters. Usually when you kill that character, there is a negative response from the viewer who believes he is in good hands and then loses their tie to the movie. Audiences and critics felt cheated when they suddenly had to deal with the unexpected death of Tyler... just like thousands of New York families were cheated out of the lives of their dead loved ones.

So was it the right thing to do? Who knows. But the point I'm trying to make is that liking or hating it shouldn't be about whether the ending "makes sense" or is "fair." No, it isn't fair, and it was an unfair surprise. In doing that, though, the writer perfectly recaptured the feelings of the day and paid a tribute to what Gen. X and Y went through on that day. Sure, there were parts in the dialogue and the romance section that felt contrived and cliche. But to me, even that feels OK because in the high teens and low 20s, most students ARE contrived. Before 9/11, the youth of America felt untouchable, safe, bored and (for the most part) predictable. The dialogue could have improved, but it also served its purpose for creating a seemingly untouchable 20-something romance ready to be destroyed, true to a real Greek tragedy.

Unfortunately, even understanding that fact doesn't guarantee that you like it. You can get the point of the script and understand what it's doing and still hate having to be there. That's understandable too. There were people that turned off the news that day and people who kept it on all week. In a way, being a successful script in this case is almost a detriment to its box office staying power.

When I walked out of the movie (even knowing what had been coming), I couldn't help but think... but this could have been so much better if he had died some other way/if 9/11 hadn't been involved/if he hadn't died/etc. But by better, of course, I meant happier and something I would want to watch over and over. I don't want to watch this over and over. But I don't want to watch YouTube videos of the WTC crushing to the ground either. Only a few days after watching the movie, I revisited the script I had read months in advance and remembered how it made me feel that first time. I even remember looking up news coverage from that day on YouTube after I finished reading.

This film is unlike any other 9/11 film that has been made. Unlike World Trade Center and United 93, the viewer doesn't necessarily know what they are getting into. It isn't a tribute to the firefighters, deaths, heroes, etc. It's a tribute to the emotions and the lessons we learned. I learned my lesson, and whether you like or hate the movie you re-learned yours too.

Monday, March 22, 2010

The scariest eyes in the world? Or perhaps the funniest.

It's that time again. LINKSPAM!!!!!111oneoneone.

This is what Rhea looked like when we brought home Nyx... minus the hissing at the end.

This is what the hottest man on the planet looks like in a really super feminine Euro man ensemble. European neck scarf, anyone? The second picture is hottie circa James Dean and Luke Perry.

New Moon DVD came out. So I've been watching these, in their entirety. I watch them for hours, pick my favorites, then watch those for hours. Rinse, repeat.

My Dear Disco is coming to Ann Arbor for an amazing weekend marathon of awesomeness. I <3 then so much guys. So much. No link here. I just wanted you to know. They are having a Triathalon with pre-party at BTB Cantina, show at Michigan League, after-party at Circus. Obviously I'm going to play Big Buck, because I rule.

GLADIATOR 2!!!!! Okay, not really, but basically. Same actor. Same director. Same art direction. = Satisfactory follow-up project. No link here because it was breaking the post for some reason. Go to and click 'Robin Hood'.

And while we're on movies, an actress with eyes that are actually bigger than mine (No, not Angelina) does a movie as a psycho escort. Come on, do they really need to keep giving these roles to people with big lips and large eyes? I'm starting to feel offended....

Apparently, today is World Water Day. Not to be confused with Waterwold Day... which might be enough to make me gorge out my eyes. Also, in that first link... IS THAT SALAMANDER NOT THE CRAZIEST THING EVER! wtf people eat that?!?! stop, obviously.

I am not allowed to cook with shellfish anymore. Since I can't, someone else should. Chowdah!

Fiji bottled water and the like are incredibly inefficient products for what they are. They are also taking water away from regions that don't have enough to sustain themselves. Do not buy bottled water. Buy a Brita, Pur, filter, whatever. If you don't believe me, watch this.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

It's finally here.

I can't stop, won't stop...

It is a beautiful day, and the New Moon DVD/Bluray was released and whatnot today. Technically last night at midnight. And to answer your first question, no, I did not attend a midnight release party. I came after it was over and the line was gone, aka approx. 12:25 a.m. Good times.

Then I watched some of the bonus features until approx. 3 a.m. More good times.

Then I woke up this morning, ate breakfast, fed the kitties, and watched the movie at approx. 11 a.m. Extraordinary times.

More to come, because I have yet to watch the extras on Mom's version. We coordinated; I purchased the Borders copy, she's getting the Target 3-disc version, and I looked up the leaked videos for the Walmart bonus bits. aka we win. It has been a lovely day.

But it has also been a wasted day, because I haven't really done anything. I didn't get any writing done (not for work, for fun, if I can recall how to do that), and I didn't manage to clean the shower... once again. I also didn't realized that the animal hospital place was going to close at noon today, so the poop baggies I bothered to collect for each kitty for their next fecal exam follow-up were useless.

Also, on the horizon is a very busy month for me. I have decided (against my better judgement) to join the NaNoWriMo sister movement, aka NaNoWriMo Script Frenzy. (National Novel Writing Month was back in November and that was epic.) I wrote about 75 pages of a novel. For the script frenzy, there is no word count minimum, simply page count... since screenplays and what-have-you typically measure a play/film's length by the number of pages. The minimum for this contest is 100 pages, but dialogue takes up a lot of pages. Still, it's an average of 3.5 pages a day. I can do this guys. I can totally do this. And yes I'm crazy, because yes I have a lot going on. But that will not stop me! I shall win! That starts in April.

Oh! Oh! Oh!!!!!!!111oneone. I also signed up for a gym membership--go me! It's about time right? Funny that now that it's warm outside, I finally got around to doing what I should have done this winter. Oh, well. Better late than never, they say! I ended up picking 1on1 athletic club on Boardwalk because they have all their classes included in the membership, and they have drop-in volleyball and stuff. Since I hate working out on machines, I figured the class route is best. So I have about five classes picked out that I'll rotate throughout the week. I'm aiming for classes on Wednesdays and Thursdays as well as Saturdays and Sundays. Also my good friend Alex Ball is a member there, which I discovered when I saw him attacking a punching bag while being given a tour. Because I'm a good friend, I wrote him down as a referral and he now owes me a drink for the $10 I earned him.

And now... your moment of amazingness.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Hoverball cat.

At first, there was one......

..... and then, there were three.

My Savannah cat started teething, so she started grinding her teeth yesterday. I woke up in a panic because I thought I heard her choking in the next room. But no. It's just annoying grinding. How did I make it go away? I figured out that she didn't do it when she was playing/sleeping/eating/watching Rhea do bad things. So I play with her until she can no longer stand, then I put her on top of a heating pad so that she'll sleep for 10 hours. It seems to be working. She's the cutest thing in the world. Also, I'm going to post pictures of the kitties soon. They deserve the recognition. After all, I AM their owner... and I'm a pretty big deal.

Also, New Moon DVD comes out at midnight tomorrow. I might celebrate by going to a Borders midnight release party. And then I might hide that I'm celebrating by pretending to be working for the paper while I'm there. It might go something like this:

Jana: Hi, 12-year-old girl. Isn't it past your bedtime?

Girl: No, I'm practically an adult, just like Bella.

Jana: Bella isn't an adult. She is a selfish teen that makes selfish choices that (were they real) would probably get you killed in real life.

Girl: She is my idol.

Jana: She is a masochist.

Girl: Oh yeah? Well if you hate her so much, why are you here?

Jana: Because I'm older and I understand the deeper meaning... things your 12-year-old brain can't comprehend. It's science.

Girl: ... and why are you here alone? How sad is that?

Jana: I'm here alone because I'm working.... for a newspaper... as an editor.... in chief... of things... that are chiefly.

Girl: Why would the paper cover this?

Jana: So that YOUR MOM can paste a picture of her CHILD on her FRIDGE at home... because that's how you treat children.

Girl: Is that a reserved DVD in your hand?

Jana: No.

Girl: Yes it is.

Jana: No it isn't.

Girl: .....

Jana: ....

Girl: Yes it is. I can see the cover through the plastic.

Jana: It's for research. In-depth research... so that I can better understand how your little mind works.

Girl: You're here alone and you're using work as a cover aren't you?

Jana: Yes, but my boobs are bigger than yours.

Girl: What does that matter?

Jana: It makes me cooler than you.

Girl: Well, that's true.

*Jana high fives girl*


Monday, March 15, 2010

Shrimp cocktail, anyone?

Nothing delights me more than a perfectly delicious shrimp cocktail. So long as Chris isn't around with his raving shellfish allergy, that could really hit the spot.

Something that does not delight me is when a shrimp cocktail party goes on outside of my vehicle late at night. Yeah, that happened. I wake up, get ready for work, stumble out to my car and peer down at the asphalt. What do I see at that early morning hour?

Five bitten off shrimp tails, that's what. All in a row. Someone had a very delectable midnight snack last night and I wasn't invited. My car might have been, or perhaps they were using it as a napkin, who knows? All I know is that I was not present, someone ate shrimp cocktail in a parking lot, and they left their evidence behind to tease me.

I did not see signs of sauce, detracting from the awesomeness.

Once I got to work it wasn't much better, and I learned that perhaps I'm being punished for having such good taste in food. People keep leaving traces behind. My desk had traces of cookie strewn across the way. I smelled a hint of peanut butter and chocolate in their crumblings, but since they were, in fact, merely crumblings... it's hard to say how accurate that analysis is. Regardless, it was cold... both the crumblies and the intent to leave me wanting cookies.

Also, who was EATING at my DESK?!?! That is MY DESK! The next logical step is to install a nanny cam. Where, might you ask? Why, behind the Edward Cullen Twilight poster of course! I am no mere investigator; nay, I am a literary investigator, which means I must attain cruel irony in everything that I do. Therefore a nanny cam is best suited behind the eyes of an illogical mystical creature that stalks his girlfriend and watches her sleep. You're next, cookie monster, because Edward (i.e. nanny cam) never sleeps.

Sorry to disappoint you, but those were the only two strange instances with food for the day. I know what you're thinking, if I were a REAL literary investigator, I would have pulled a "rules of three" and had a third occasion where crumblings and cocktail flippers interrupted my morning. But I'm a rule breaker....

.... and it just didn't happen again. Bite me.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


And I'm deaf in one ear... from all the people still wearing glitter nail polish that saw THIS today.

Per yesterday's post, I figured I'd share my thoughts. Pros: Edward is hot. That is a given. Jacob is hot, and unnecessarily shirtless. That is a given. Premarital suckling, brooding and dry humping takes place. This is a given, and a clit tease.

Cons: There is no visual of any action, newborns, human friends, Cullens, werewolf packs, or the tent scene. I was a little surprised because I sort of figured their marketing angle would be more action-oriented.... to highlight the action parts of the movie.... filmed by the action director.... for the action book.... but I guess we like to roll New Moon style.

And thus, the territorial pissing contest over Bella Swan (Eclipse) begins:

Edward: I love you, Bella. *broods*

Bella: I love you but I hate age.

Edward: Ewww... you as a vamp saddens me.

Bella: If you really loved me, you'd change me tomorrow.

Edward: No I wouldn't.

Bella: Or would you?

Edward: Nope.

Bella: *squinty eyes*

Edward: No.

Bella: .....

Edward: .....

Bella: Am I a vamp yet?

Edward: No. You know the deal.

Bella: .....

Edward: You have to marry me first, because I'm a gentleman blood suckler.

(enter Jacob)

Jacob: You wouldn't have to change for me Bella. I love you like whoa.

Bella: I love you too, Jake. Err... I mean, I like you as a friend.

Jacob: Pick me! Pick me! *jumps up and down for attention, then rippppppps off shirt* rip!

Edward: *hisses*

Jacob: You're bad for her! Admit it! She wants to die!

Edward: She completes me.

Jacob: I have a six pack.

Bella: Boys, boys, boys! There's plenty of me to go around--I'm selfish like that, remember? But Jacob, wait your turn... New Moon was last year. Your time won't come until tent scene, when I make out with you only after becoming engaged to someone else and then tell you it was lies after you've risked your life for me... and then not again until you fall for my vamp baby. Rememberrrrr?

Edward: You mean Renesmee? The worst name for a baby in the whole wide world?

Bella: Yeah, her.

Jacob: I don't know, I think Apple is pretty dumb. Or we could name her monster, because she A) is a monster, and B) I will lovingly nickname her nessie, like the dragon in Scotland.

**Meanwhile Edward and Bella have started suckling**

Jacob: Guys! guys!


Wednesday, March 10, 2010


This deserved its own post.

Have you ever owned a baby lamb? Well neither have I, and apparently they go frolicking like whoa.

Unfortunately, more vampires

Ok, before everyone sends me any more questions about it. Yes, I have seen the Eclipse trailer preview... or, the 10-second preview of the trailer preview. I think it's strange that they decided to release this 10 seconds of footage on Wednesday instead of last week or something. A 90-second teaser trailer will be available tomorrow (Thursday), and then the full trailer will premiere before Robert Pattinson's new movie Remember Me on Friday.

I have just a few things to say about it. First, whoever did this 10-second teaser trailer should be fired. Second, whoever did the original editing for the Eclipse first cut actually WAS fired. Third, yes Jacob looks hot against that mountain... that's why they shot the scene. It's a token meat shot. Fourth, why is Robert/Edward speaking so sloooowwwlllyyy? is he trying to seduce her when he's speaking? Oh wait, of course, duh. Fifth, I do not like the new Bella wig.

The firing of the original editor can mean two things... it either means that the movie as it stood was amazingly horrid because the editor tried to do something unique to them as opposed to faithful to the books, OR it means the footage that the editor had to work with was crap and we're in for disappointment. I'm hoping beyond hope that the fault is of the editor wanting to leave their mark and turn the saga into something it isn't. IF that's the case, it can be fixed. I can understand Summit dismissing them for that. They brought on the editor that put the first film, Twilight, together. The reason that I'm afraid it might be related to footage quality is because there has been very little positive feedback from the actors regarding the third film's director, David Slade.

You might recall (or you might not if you're less of a loser than me) that David Slade was one of the most vocal directors AGAINST the series when it first came out. He basically trashed it for being teenage angst driven and full of premarital suckling and dry humping. He also didn't like the brooding, but frankly, that's what vamps do. Suffice it to say, the fans were a bit worried when the guy put his name in the hat for the third. I'm going to assume he saw the light (aka the dollar dollar bills, ya'll) and decided to jump on the bandwagon. The trouble with that, however, is that while he's a talented director... people should be worried that it won't be as true as the first and second. He made it very clear he doesn't care about the book version. So we'll see. If he is properly whipped by his studio, we'll be fine. If not, the blogosphere will explode with angry tweens and TwiMoms. But I'm glad Summit was willing to bring down the axe when the first cut they saw wasn't up to par. Now let's just hope there's enough good footage available to be pleasing for most viewers. I'll give a final preview opinion after I've seen more than 10 seconds... hopefully the one I see this Friday will have some of the action with the newborns.

Also, bunnies imitating Twilight.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

oscars #6 take 2!

sigourney weaver presenting art direction. avatar, the imaginarium of dr. parnassus, nine, sherlock holmes, the young victoria. the winner is avatar, and sigourney does not hide her excitement, since, you know, it was her first blockbuster role in years.

and i just missed a few awards because i was downing some chocolate ice cream, which is to say that my hands and face are now busy. young victoria won for costume, and she doesn't care because SHE ALREADY HAS TWO, GOSH! um, and charlize theron presented the precious clip. i think that means we're halfway through the best film nominee clips.

commercial.... back from commercial...

several awards and commercial breaks later... I return. Sorry about the dissappearance, but i suddenly had a boyfriend and two kitties decide to cuddle up on me. that takes priority. always. there was a real shocker in there when avatar won for visual effects. not.

yeah i have to go. maybe i'll check in again later. deal with it.

oscars #6!

oscars #5!

rachel mcadams and jake gyllenhal are presenting best adapted screenplay. both obviously look good. blah blah blah. nominees are up in the air, precious, in the loop (no one saw this right? i'm just now hearing about it... and i like writers...), an education, district 9. winner is..... jeffrey fletcher for precious. based on novel "push." they couldn't name it the same as the novel, because there was already a TERRIBLE movie called "push" that featured some hot guy and dakota fanning with camille belle as mind movers. this guy is on the brink of tears and is going to get the music. the winning writer is drawing a blank. hmm..

and steve martin says... "i wrote that speech for him." queen latifah comes to the stage, dressing SEXY! wow she looks great in a pinkish purplish satiny number with sparkles. i'm not sure what her purpose is though. something about contributions, and some sort of governor's awards night or something. basically it's the academy's opportunity to solicit and give its people screen time. they are really pushing it tonight. but it's ok, because the clips were reasonably funny. the two major recipients are there, and the rest of hollywood awkwardly looks around at one another before giving a standing ovation. ok good, that's done.

now robin williams up to present something. best supporting actress. penelope cruz (nine), vera formiga (up in the air), maggie gyllenhal (crazy heart)... why am i even listing these... monique is the shoe-in.... anna kendrick (twilight! nope, whoops, wrong movie, for up in the air), monique (precious). and the winner is.... monique. shocker. she looks really pretty in a blue draped dress. this is going to be a super serious and emotional speech. i'm trying to bear down. hang on while i finish off this glass in a gulp. ok here we go.... first she'd like to backhand diss the academy for choosing a movie "based on the acting rather than the politics..." qed, all the other winners in the past must have been based on politics and nothing mattered before her role. she thanks her husband, do what's right not popular, god bless, peace. and samuel l. jackson just made a "she's crazy" face.

colin firth presents a clip for an education. it stars carey mulligan, also known as the second youngest chick from Pride and Prejudice. and saarsgard. i never saw it. looks good though.

commercial break time.... before a, salute to horror films?

oscars #4!

carey mulligan and zooey saldana presenting something. i love zooey so hard, and she looks AWESOME in some sort of purple number with a big ol' slit up the front. carey has the most refreshing british accent ever. they're presenting for best short film. they've turned this into the longest most unnecessary category opening in the history of my viewing. i get that no one cares about short films, and that people in "the biz" wish it got the credit it deserves, but look. it just isn't a good award because NO ONE SEES SHORT. because they AREN'T FINANCIALLY REALISTIC. they're great launching points for movie makers and good portfolio builders, great. but until you put them on hulu, i'm not watching.

best animated short nominees are: french roast, granny o'gramms sleeping beauty, the lady and the reaper, some mcdonald's one, a wallace and grommit one. the winner is blah blah blah, blah blah blah. i'm not going to say, because i resent having the "importance of this award" shoved down my throat. yay artistry, let's move on.

best documentary short (how many short categories are there? one more right?) china's something, the last campaign of someone, the last vehicle from some plant, music by prudence, and some sort of other one. music by prudence wins, and i'm only saying so because the winner literally ran down the aisle. or maybe he had to because he was seated in the back aka people didn't think he'd win. and wow, i did not expect that voice out of him. wait, who is this brood? she just interrupted him like crazy. shut UP lady. LET THE MAN SPEAK! they got the music. look what you did, crazy red-headed chick. you ruined his moment. shame on you. SHAME. ON. YOU.

one more short maybe: best live action short. the door, instead of abracadabra, kavi, miracle fish, the new tenants. someone wins. something about apartments. they get max five seconds to deliver their speech. and he's drunk. he is really sweating. hahahaha, i just noticed his accent. he's scottish/irish, and QED it makes sense. oh no, they cut off the microphone of the other guy. i didn't realize they were cutting off mics now, without any band warning.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. ben stiller dressed as an avatar to present for the best makeup. it is AMAZING. also his ears are slightly uneven. hilarious because avatar isn't nominated for makeup. since it's like, all cgi. and not makeup. so far, best/funniest award presentation thus far. ben stiller rocks. *gives zoolander magic pose* yeah, you're mesmerized. nominees are il divo, star trek, the young victoria. and the winner is... star trek. i have to say, the chick in this little threesome looks amazing in her gown. she found a good fit for her.

jeff bridges is presenting the clip for a serious man. written by joel and ethan coen whom i love, love, love.

commercial break. best supporting actress coming up. aka monique from precious.

oscars #3!

robert downey jr and tina fey are presenting. he is wearing scary glasses that MATCH HIS BOWTIE! YES! she looks gorgeous. ok their presentation is pretty funny. it's a war of actors versus writers and best original screenplay. i care about this category, and most people don't. hurt locker, inglorious bastards, the messenger, a serious man (cohen brothers.. they're awesome), up. mark boal wins for hurt locker. he had a nice speech too, you know, the kind of speech only a writer can put together. *jana flaunts dashing smile*

matthew broderick (also know as sarah jessica park's husband and that guy from Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Larry the Cable Guy) and molly ringwald (aka that girl from Sixteen Candles, the Breakfast Club and Ferris Beuller's Day Off). john hughes tribute. a little background while we're watching this boring real, courtesy of Wikipedia. he died Aug. 6, 2009. Full name was John Wilden Hughes, Jr. His films include Home Alone 1 2 AND 3, Christmas Vacation, Ferris Beuller, Uncle Buck, The Great Outdoors, The Breakfast Club, Beethoven, Baby's Day Out (personal favorite), Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Mr. Mom, etc. Aka all the funniest movies that people still own and watch from the 80s and 90s. And now they bring out all the child stars that he nurtured, and whose careers have disappeared off the map. Including Macaulay Culkin. Who.... still looks.... 12. How is that possible? Google, I order you to tell me CULKIN'S TRUE AGE! holy shit! he's 29! he's ALMOST THIRTY!

samuel jackson is presenting the clip for Up, the third best film nominee. Very cute, obv.

Commercial break cue.

oscars #2! drinking begins and awards continue

cameron diaz looks amazing. she is presenting with steve carrell about best animations. up, princess frog, something with some silver-haired biatch (the secret of kells), fantastic mr. fox and coraline. i secretly want coraline to win because it holds a special place in my heart. but we all know pixar always wins. yes indeedaroo. Up wins. and Pixar continues to have the key to the oscar-winner combination. plus they're the only animated film to be nominated in the general movie category. so that was a no brainer... it was great though. and... um... the comfortable truth right now is that the man accepting this honor has the BIGGEST EARS EVER! look at them! they're so big!

amanda seyfried and miley cyrus are presenting something together evidentally. they're both wearing glittery nuetrals. and miley's voice is ruining the classiness of this event. she also screwed up her part and said "we're both nervous this is our first time on stage." no miley, it's just you that sucks. amanda was here last year presenting with robert pattinson and she rocked it. you disgust me. they're presenting best song or something. i'm not going to type up the nominees because no one cares. wait.. WTF! IS THAT COLIN FARRELL?!?! SINGING COUNTRY? WTF HE'S IRISH!. i suddenly care about this category. apparently he is in crazy heart, and he sings an oscar nominated song. didn't see that coming. omg and that song wins... written by someone with "T-Bone" in their name. sick.

um. T-Bone's partner in crime just said he loves his wife "more than rainbows." for that to be a worthwile comparison, he would have to really like rainbows. or it's a foil, and an awkward one at that.

chris pine is presenting the district 9 trailer (best movie nominee). this was a sweet flick and my first official blueray purchase. it was uniquely shot, sort of in a documentary style with interviews... but the interviews open the movie and actually take place on the timeline after the movie's conclusion. it was a first-time stint by this director (neill blomkamp) in terms of hollywood stuff. peter jackson was going to make it and then had someone else direct. it's still his studio though. i think he went to shoot the lovely bones instead, which turned out to also be an oscar nominated flick. not in terms of "best film" or whatever, but several cast members are nominated for various things. there is also some talk of a sequel. but then again, this is hollywood. there are like six die hard movies. and six lethal weapons. sequels happen.

and we go to commercial. no commercials have played so far about scary life-threatening illnesses that sneak up on us from our socks or anything. but that was the theme of the golden globe commercials, and there's still plenty of time left to go there. stay tuned.

OSCARS #1! thus the show begins.

well this is a new start. they aren't starting with the hosts. they want to give the actor and actress nominees even more screen time than they've gotten for the past THREE HOURS on the red carpet preshow. shame on you, oscars. don't think this will turn them into bigger donors for you. i hope like hell that they break into song in a second.

damn, no can do.

and now.... the HOSTS! ALEX BALDWIN AND STEVE MARTIN! AKA AMERICA'S FUNNY GUYS. wait what? neil patrick harris? oh cute, a little musical number... and harris' only good gimmick anymore: award show host for awards he will never earn. awwww, poor patrick.

and now he has some fancy peacock dancers. WOULD YOU LOOK AT THOSE FLOUR BUTT COVERUPS! so much flutter!!

at some point the real hosts will come out. is it now? is it? IS IT?

it is. and martin looks like scorcese for some reason. he's wearing some very hipster, dapper tortoise shell rimmed glasses. you wouldn't think they're the same height, but oh. they are.

so the opening monologue begins, and it isn't too long before they make the annual meryl streep joke. you know, the "she's nominated every time, we should just give her her own award each year......... since she never wins the award on her own." that sucks. and.... the typical helen mirron is hot joke. and another meryl reference. they are embarrassing the crap out of her.

now they mention precious and pan over to their cast. except gabourey sibide (sp?) takes up half the screen. oops. and wow, martin is all about the black humor tonight.

omg. floating wood sprites. yesssssssssssss. also, james cameron managed to cut his hair between the globes and the oscars. and they make fun of his divorce to fellow best director nominee kathryn bigelow, while simultaneously mocking toyota. touche.

oh yes twilight joke coming i can feel it........ oh nope. it's just about their fading hotness. not as funny.

penelope is presenting best supporting actor. she looks amazing in red. she always wears huge dresses. because she has a tiny frame and can. no question who is going to win this category. christoph waltz or whatever from inglorious bastards has won it in every single awards ceremony this year. other nominees are matt damon (invictus), woody harrison (the messenger), christopher plummer (the last station), stanley tucci (the lovely bones), christolph waltz (inglorious bastards). and the winner is.... drum roll.... yup, christolph waltz. also he looks the same that he did in the movie. i guess he didn't really have that much makeup on the shoot. did he just say uber? i think he did. five points for christolph. and there is director quentin tarantino's sole screenshot for the night, because everyone knows he's not going to win anything. sorry, quentin. his speech is getting longer, is he going to get the cue music? is he? is he? nope, he cut off.

and ( . )( . )

ryan reynolds gives the token trailer of oscar nom #1 for best picture. and so begins the TEN BEST MOVIE NOMINEE SUMMARIES. no wonder this is the second thing they do... because they have to do this NINE MORE TIMES before the end of the evening. i actually never saw this movie, but it looked awesome and most people said they liked it. of course this movie doesn't have a shot in hell of winning, but it gets a token nomination based on longevity in theaters... and because they had to fill out the rest of the top 10 somehow. i know five was too few, but now 10 is starting to seem like too much isn't it? there's a reason they haven't had 10 nominees since the 40s. THE 1940s.

ok commercial break. time to uncork some vino!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

... and the links shall go forth, and they were good.

Linkspam time!

Long overdue, I'm afraid. But alas, here they are! Apologies ahead of time for the fact that so many are Rob related, but he just did his press junket and started a new movie so it really couldn't be helped. I did warn you.

You can ask questions, and they can be answered, and it can be interactive. There's this thing called formspring and it's sort of up my alley with surveys. I signed up. Whatever. Get over it.

Robert Pattinson is bothered that Robert is Bothered. This was hilarious, especially if you're actually familiar with Robert is Bothered. Thank you, Fallon. This holds up your end of Late Night. I believe I posted this already at the end of a different entry, but whatever, it's gold.

Anybody like wax? Yeah, this is happening. Yeah. Thinking about this, it might be a good idea to install a few hidden cameras in the statue to see how many people attempt premarital groping of the statue.

Jake Gyllenhal plays an ethnicity outside of Caucasian. Whelp, we all knew fake baking was going to come in handy for SOMETHING. Now, for the price of just 10 years off your life, you can be Mexican, Spanish, or exotic Persian.

The reason for Kristen Stewarts rock glam haircut is soon to be revealed on screen. The reason she mumbles and stumbles through interviews, however, will remain a mystery. But she does go lesbo and coked out in this flick apparently.... with 15-year-old Dakota Fanning. So I ask you this.... can Stewart now be charged with fondling an adolescent? Soon to be answered on C-Span!

Nothin' but a Sleep Talkin' Man. What? What's that you say? Cheese and pineapple on a stick, you say? WHY?!?

These are not my boobs. But if they were, I wouldn't treat them this way. Go hamster, go hamster, go!

Mom, every time you see posts like the one above, just keep in mind that I could be way more work than I am, like this. Yeah, you think about that. Everyone else just enjoy for the simplicity of the fart joke.

What happens when you mix Robert Pattinson, Twilight fans, and a new movie with more than FIVE SEX SCENES? You get 2012, the year that the world ends... and coincidentally the same year that his new film Bel Ami comes out. Guys, they are already stalking him. In London. I'm getting tweets. It makes me feel dirty.

Major earthquake phenomenon #2 strikes, this time in Chile. Oddly enough, it seems that George Clooney's famous Haiti relief telethon managed to OD the entire world on relief effort marketing. Sorry, Chile. Seriously though, they just had the largest earthquake there IN THE HISTORY OF THE COUNTRY. It caused a major tsunami and Hawaii and coastal states were evacuated. Beat that, Haiti.

Nothing is more important than a hearty start to my day. Have some Christmas porridge, three months too late, but still tasty as ever.

You will never be as awesome as a dog. This is why. I particularly like the animation into the river.

Pigsaw Puzzle. Don't you dare tell me that those piggie bums aren't the cutest thing you've ever seen. Don't do it. Nope, you're lying.

Newspaper hoarders have some mighty changes coming on the horizon. I guess I should clean out my stash. Bummer. Also, when all else is lost, I hope The Onion remains and that civilizations of the future believe it to be our true news source. That could make for some majorly humorous assumptions about our culture.

I'm tired, so that's all for now. Going to see Alice in Wonderland in IMAX 3D today. Hooray!

Ask me anything

Thursday, March 4, 2010

My cat has herpes.

And no, I'm not joking.

I consider myself a fairly intelligent human being. Typically when I get gut feelings about things, I follow my instincts and I have a good grip on common sense.

Boy oh boy did I drop that ball this week.

The two new kitties were both so cute and fuzzy that I wanted them to be cute and fuzzy together. The trouble with that is... I was so eager to make them buddies4life that I sort of didn't stick with my initial thought to get Rhea at the vet beforehand. Rhea, by the way, is the 6-month-old rescue kitten from the Humane Society. Nyx is the uber expensive Savannah breed and the only reason we bought Rhea (Nyx is part wild and needs attention like whoa). Yeah... you can see where this is going...

So what do we do? We put them together. It goes great. They touch noses. They don't scuffle. They get into pee and poop wars. Everyone is happy. Then the sneezing starts....

A-choo! goes Rhea. Over and over again, prompting me to coo and say things like, Oh, poor baby, what's wrong with you? probably nothing serious considering the humane society gave you a clean bill of health...

A-choo! A-CHOO! Hmmm... maybe you should go to the vet...

A-CHOO! RAWR! A-CHOO! Oh my god my cat is going to die, we're going NOW! (let's bring Nyx too for good measure)

So the vet basically tells me that my cute little fuzzy kitten from the humane society has respiratory herpes. I didn't even know that there was such a thing, but apparently 99% of the humane society's cats have this virus. That's funny since that little gem didn't come up in our adoption interview. Nope. Not once. And just like human herpes, it stays with you. foorrreeevveerrrr. Oh, also, it's major contagious, which means that there's no way nyx isn't going to get it living with rhea.

So then I'm on my way out and things are sort of OK because Rhea has no secondary symptoms, her lungs are clear, and basically it will clear itself up and disappear and be dormant until her next psychological meltdown (aka moving and or new children/dogs/cats). Of course vet tells me to bring in stool samples for both in the next couple of days, you know, for good measure. (i'm starting to learn that phrase typically leads to bad things.) I do as I'm told, and a few hours later I get this phone call:

Vet: Ms. Miller?
Me: Hi, vet lady! How are my perfect poop samples? (I already know something is wrong because the receptionist told me that no problems = no follow-up call)
Vet: Nyx checked out great and her poop was perfect.
Me: Well that's nice. She's lucky that way I guess.
Vet: Rhea, not so much.
Me: You mean my herpes-laden cat has something ELSE that the humane society failed to "screen"?
Vet: She has toxidia and roundworm in her stool.
Me: ......
Vet: But they can be treated.
Me: ......
Vet: Just come by and get meds. And you'll need to treat both cats because it is incredibly contagious, so your $55 cat will give it to your $2,000 cat really quickly.
Me: .......
Vet: Oh, and they're contagious to humans, so hopefully if you are the one scooping the poop, you are washing your hands after.
Me: .......
Vet: But other than that everything is cool.
Me: Is there any chance my cat has AIDS?
Vet: What?
Me: Nothing.

So QED, had I listened to my inner voice and taken Rhea for a check-up PRIOR to getting the two together, I would be 50% less pissed. As it is, I get to be 100% pissed. So today I squirted two different meds into each of their mouths with a plastic syringe thingy. They both get one more squirt tomorrow and one more the day after. Then in a few weeks I get to gather poop like a crazy cat lady all over again. By hey, I guess if I end up getting roundworm too, it will be super easy to lose those 10 pounds I've been wanting to drop. Or Rhea could get AIDS and then we'd all lose weight a helluva lot faster.

On a brighter note, I managed to get around having to get another yearly eye exam. I love my optometrist TO DEATH, but she is pricey. Heck, they all are. So when I discovered that my contacts supply was dwindling, I did the next obvious thing.... I refused to make a doctors appointment and stayed in denial until it was clear that there was no way I wouldn't run out before I had time to set up an appointment with the doctor and order more. So I talked to a friend at work and she told me how to trick the system, aka buying lenses with your prescription from 1-800-lenses or or similar places. It worked. I have purchased two new boxes, giving me enough time to schedule an appointment because in actuality I think I've worsened.

Here's the thing though with me and optometrists. They blow high-powered wind into my eyeball and I don't appreciate it. The glaucoma puff test is basically my worst nightmare. I hate doing it and thinking about it. Plus the fear worsens every time because it takes like five tries of them puffing my eyeball before they get a good reading, due to the fact that I'm flailing too much. First try, my eye is typically cooperative, but the tech takes too long and I jerk uncontrollably. Second try, I starting blinking faster and more often. Third try I'm tearing up and drying out at the same time and they're asking me to please cooperate and stop being a baby. (easy for them to say... they aren't waiting silently and without warning to be jet streamed with air to a place that likes moistness.) By the fourth and fifth tries, my eye is officially shut for good and you'll have to pry my eyelids open with a crowbar if you think you're going to puff me again.

On another happy note, my current fav heartthrob (Mr. Robert Pattinson) recently did his short stint of press for his upcoming movie debut that does NOT feature fangs, blood, the undead or prepubescent teenagers with SUPER ANGST! Remember Me comes out March 12thish... and he had interviews with Jimmy Fallon, The View, The Today Show and Jon Stewart. The fact that he was going to be on Jon Stewart supplied me with so much glee that I could barely contain myself. I was also pretty excited to see what Fallon could do, considering I'm a huge fan of the "Robert is Bothered" skits. Ah, sweet bothered bliss.

And now, your moment of zen: prrr