Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Death By Carrot: Fail


Accidents happen and no one is safe.

This is the fact I learned yesterday when I nearly choked on a baby carrot--twice. How does one choke on a baby carrot? Twice?

It's simple: one forgets to chew properly and/or to swallow first before laughing/breathing/jumping/thinking.

For me it was a double whammy. I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business and chewing baby carrots, when this extremely amusing picture of two dogs battling for a tennis ball under water made me laugh hysterically. But I hadn't swallowed yet, so I coughed/choked immediately and sent half of the chewed carrot bits into my nose.

When the initial coughing had ceased, I inhaled deeply to oxygenate my body and mind. Crap.

There was still carrot in there. I sucked carrot bits from my nose into my lungs and coughed the rest of the day. If I die of pneumonia and lung-based trauma, you know who/what to blame.

But it got me to thinking... how much would it stink to suffer death by carrots? Dying already sucks. But embarrassing deaths are probably an incredibly hard carrot to swallow. lol

So what happens when I'm freaking out about dying from some ailment? I Google it, of course, as you do.

This is what I found... Based on 2009 statistics from the National Safety Council, accidental deaths are the number one cause of death for those ages 1 to 42. It's also apparently the fifth-leading cause of death among all age groups--it obviously gets trumped by heart disease and cancer ailments in the overall numbers.

Choking is the fifth most common accidental cause of death, behind fires, falls, poisoning and motor vehicle accidents. Choking results in approximately 2,500 deaths each year. Infants or children ages 3 and younger are at the highest risk. They choke on hot dogs a lot.

But carrots have been named a hazardous food in terms of choking too.

So chew your vegetables. And your hot dogs. And cut up your food for your little ones. Also, swallow... preferably before you start laughing/breathing/speaking. Plus it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

Sorry, I just realized how depressing a topic DEATH is on Valentine's Day.  Although given the origins of Valentine's Day (or Saint Valentine's Day), it ironically sort of works to be talking about it. Certainly death by carrot wouldn't make one a martyr, as the Valentine Saints were. But it makes you dead, nonetheless.

To cheer us ALL up on this loving and Hallmarky day, let us watch this ADORABLE wedding proposal video made by an animator in California. It doesn't have anything to do with Valentine's Day, but it is about LOOVEEEE!


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Monday, February 13, 2012

Table Art: Fail, Desktop Dogs: Pass


I woke up an hour early so I could get a cappuccino and do some writing before work.  While sipping and doing just that, I made a table tagging discovery. I was strangely tickled by this case of defacing private property.  My table had this written on it:
[[posterous-content:pid___0]]In case the picture isn't clear, someone scratched "FART" into the table.

My first reaction was "this is childish and dumb," but then I started picturing the type of person who would take the time to scrawl such a thing into a Starbucks table. I pictured them giggling while they carved the wood, super impressed with their edgy and amusing commentary. Maybe they used the 80s switchblade they bought after seeing The Outsiders at the Michigan Theater. Maybe they were eight years old and mom didn't care if they wrote on the table so long as they shutup and let her write her dissertation. I can only guess.

I also wondered if anyone watched from another table, left to speculate at the contents of the message being carved. Perhaps they imagined something worse; after all, it could have been another four-letter f-word.

Right below the "FART" message was this response:
[[posterous-content:pid___1]]That reads "YOU PIG."

If I was the type to carve on desks, which I'm not, I might have changed "FART" to say "I FARTED," so the reader would be left to wonder how long ago this gross message (and fart) was made. The message's original intentions would still be satisfied, plus the "you pig" response would still apply. Everyone loves fart humor.

Everyone also loves put humor. So, happy Monday, and enjoy the following picture from Lolcats. It is now my desktop background and it makes me giggle every time.

[[posterous-content:pid___2]]Get the ball, Get the Balll, GET THE BALLL!!!

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