Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Links! I have them!

It's been a while since I've spammed links of mild to incredible interest, but I realized I was retweeting a majority of the links in my feed.

Harry Potter News:

Evidently, Professor Snape aka Alan Rickman aka the coolest cat in England is returning to Broadway now that HP is over. I would pay great sums of money to see this.  I would also pay great sums of money to hire him as my wake up call--coolest voice ever.

Meanwhile, HP's star, Daniel Radcliffe, is wasting no time signing up for new projects.  His newest flick, The Woman in Black, is due out in February I believe.  But apparently he could also play Allen Ginsberg in Kill Your Darlings.  This is.... not the happiest of screenplays... so I guess it's not a stretch from his ghost thriller and his nudie-equine-loving-lost-boy character on Broadway's Equus.  Good thing the Harry Potter fandom spans more than a few generations.

Vampire News:

Chris Meloni might be cast in True Blood's 5th season? Really? Evidently he would be a very powerful vampire... so perhaps an Order member?  He certainly has that vamp look, but I don't know how I feel about watching Law & Order: SVU's favorite detective becoming the sexual predator he once hunted.

Summit Entertainment won a legal battle over non-licensed Bella jackets.  So, add that $$ to the over $500million they've already made on Twilight's Breaking Dawn: Part 1.  I also heard rumors of a possible merge of Summit and Lions Gate.

Hot Guy News:

Zac Efron is playing the next Nicholas Sparks movie heartthrob, Logan of The Lucky One. Yeah, ok.  Fair enough.  At least I remembered what happened in this Nicholas Sparks book.  Usually when I can't remember I assume A) it takes place in North Carolina, B) the woman is lost and beautiful, C) the man is a blue collar type from her past, and D) you can flip a coin to decide if someone dies.

Daniel Craig apparently doesn't appreciate the Kardashians, as with the 99% of the rest of the U.S. (3 million viewers out of 300 million people = 1%)  I usually don't appreciate these sound bites because of their attention-getting nature, but I'm also glad he said it and not me.

Snow White News:

There are two Snow White movies coming out next year.  Or maybe it's three--but I think the third would be animation.  Regardless, the trailers are out for both live action films. There is Snow White and the Huntsman, a rougher, tougher adaptation with 8 dwarves instead of 7, featuring Charlize Theron (evil queen), Kristen Stewart (Snow White), and Chris Hemsworth (hunstman).  Then there is Mirror, Mirror, the whimsical comedy version featuring Julia Roberts (evil queen) and Lily Collins (Snow White).  Game on, Snow.

... speaking of Snow White, I suppose the entertainment biz is really pushing fairy tale fantasy right now... i.e. ABC's Once Upon a Time and NBC's Grimm. Either there is zero good original content out there, or our country is in desperate need of a happy ending.

Scary Asian Movie News:

Oldboy.  I watched it once, and once was enough.  Spike Lee and Josh Brolin want me to watch it again, even if only to prove that they A) won't butcher the third act, and B) WILL butcher the third act, in a more literal sense.

Akira is still bumping around the movie universe.  Once upon a time, I heard that Zac Efron was a possible lead.  This did not go over well.  Then I heard Leonardo DiCaprio and Joseph Gorden-Levitt were attached.  This might be ok.  Then I heard Garrett Hedlund (Tron Legacy) was set to play the main character, Kaneda.  I also heard Gary Oldman might play the lieutenant.  The lesson here is that no one knows anything.

The HOBBIT News:

If you have not been following the updates on the Hobbit Facebook page, I suggest you do so.  Peter Jackson has been releasing "The Making Of" videos while he's making the film, so you get to see behind-the-scenes stuff before even a trailer is available.  It's pretty bomb diggity.  Dwarves! Hobbits! Elves! Dragons! YESSS!

That's all for now.

Also, it snowed today.  Hurray, holidays!

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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A story in which I die first in a horror movie: Fail

So yesterday it rained pretty hard.  People were like, whoa, look at this rain.
There were a few moments driving when I had to double check that my car headlights were on, because they just didn't seem to be illuminating anything.
This leads me to my acquaintance with something scary last night.  Given that it's almost Thanksgiving, I have family coming into town.  My brother flew in last night, and I drove to my mom's house to cook dinner for everyone.  The house was empty when I arrived, and it was still pouring rain so I decided to park in the garage.  I proceeded to unload the groceries from my car with the garage door still up when I felt that cold, dark shudder you feel when something peculiar catches your eye.  I spun around.
AHHH!.... what was that...
Since I was in a lit garage and outside it was dark and stormy, I obviously could see nothing.  But I could hear something.  I have no idea what, but I knew I could hear it.  Then suddenly...
Dark flash of movement!
My thought didn't immediately go to serial killer, because in that part of town we've had trouble with coyotes and such in the woods by our home.  But I'd be lying if I said serial killers didn't cross my mind.
:::more noise more noise:::
This is the moment in scary movies where the hot chick who opens the film goes to investigate the noise in her basement or attic or wherever, and is shortly thereafter maimed, spiked, slaughtered, etc.
I have mocked this moment 1,000 times.
So what did I do?  I began to investigate the noise.
It was right around the time that I was peaking outside at the edge of the garage, still hearing the rustle rustle sound, when I realized I had become the brainless bimbo... and that, if in fact something scary was about to attack me, I would surely die.  And it would be my fault.
So I skedaddled inside, pressed the garage door button from the safety of the house, waited five minutes, and went back to unload the groceries with a golf club in hand.
So it just goes to show... maybe those scary movie chicks aren't so stupid after all.  Maybe our initial reaction to the unknown is curiosity--we must investigate!  I must hit the car in front of me while I strain to see the accident on the side of the road!  I must make myself vomit because I must see the thing, even though I know seeing the thing will make me vomit.
To my credit though, it only took me about 60 seconds to realize I was in that situation and to duck and run like a coward...
... but a coward who survived.
Also, it was probably a squirrel.

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