Phallic trophies: Pass

The other day, for no reason in particular, my conversation with a few friends shifted to phallic symbols and, more specifically, trophies. A female friend mentioned the Superbowl trophy, and she said her newspaper editor (also a female) at one time refused to put the trophy on the cover of the paper because it was "disgustingly phallic." I thought that was pretty funny since, well, EVERY trophy is pretty much phallic. Last night's Spike SCREAM awards would be a good example.

Phallic symbols do not bother me. Various feminists may believe that the proliferation of these symbols in our culture give men validation for their perceived superiority to us poor females. I, however, could care less if men draw their penises everywhere. I have faith that men would find a way to promote their junk without architecture and awards shows. I'm fairly certain of that. I also think that being a strong woman doesn't necessarily mean fearing promotion of the male gender. Besides, feminists who outrage everyone and and give men an excuse to roll their eyes and label you as such a crazy feminist is about as tactful a strategy as that took by King Henry VIII while establishing the Church of England.

"Guys, it's totally NOT about the woman I'm currently trying to seduce.... but really, priests, I need a divorce ASAP because she won't have sex until we're married."

So, for my part, I'm going to embrace the hilarity of certain phallic symbols and pick my battles. Besides, how embarrassing would it be to devote your life to women's rights and then spend it talking about penises?

... and for those in the metro Detroit area who might listen to 89X in the morning with Dave, Chuck the Freak and Lisa... "Top of the morning penis to you!"

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Pass: Cute got cuter

The below posts are a little serious for this particular blog, so whaddya say we lighten things up a bit?

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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Pass: Going, going, gone

Michigan defeated Connecticut, 30-10! Huzzah!

But a true season opener wouldn't be what it is without a little drama. You see that photo above? Where Tate Forcier and Denard Robinson lock arms in a buddy-buddy hug last year? Yeah, that might never happen again. Why? Because while Denard might not pout when he doesn't get to start a single game (aka last year), it turns out that Tate does not have the same emotional tolerance. Denard started and quite nearly finished on Saturday with 19 of 22 passes for 186 yards and ran for 197 yards. Not too shabby. But then the kicker came with Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez decided to play Devin Gardner, taking away his possible red shirt status. Tate didn't see a single minute of play.

Instead, Tate sat alone on a bench with a towel over his shoulders or head for the entire game. Going from starter to third in line can be tough on a 19-year-old kid, especially one who already has a track record of either talking back or not acting like a "team player." Personally, I think Tate is talented, but nothing turns off fans of a longstanding program more than pouting or behaving inappropriately. Michigan fans want someone who acts like they are fortunate to be there.

So the question is, will he transfer? Would he be better off someplace else?

Professionally, he probably would be better off elsewhere. Ryan Mallett transferred out as Rich Rod came in with Denard and Tate, and now he's the third best quarterback in the country. Tate could definitely get more guaranteed playing time someplace else. But emotionally, I think he would be a stronger player if he stays at Michigan. Sometimes a player needs to learn his place. Plus who is to say he won't be the starter later this season? I did hear rumors of Tate currently mending an injury, and with the amount of running Denard is doing it is very possible he could get hurt. I doubt Gardner would be the #1 above Tate if Denard was out of the running.

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Pass/Fail yet to be decided: U of M football program

Greetings! I know it's been a while, and I know that I almost never post about sports on this particular journal/blog/rant/website, but I was once a sports writer and football does matter to me. I hail from the maize and blue. I have been attending Wolverine match-ups since I was a toddler. Thus today will shed light on whether or not I will enjoy or abhor my Saturdays for the remainder of the fall.

People have been saying a lot of things about today's season opener against Connecticut. I'll summarize a few of them:
1. Tate will start at QB
2. Denard will start at QB
3. Connecticut will win and it will be worse than it was against Appalachian State
4. Michigan will win by 3
5. It will be a high-point game
6. Rich Rod will choke on a slice of Domino's pizza during halftime

It is my belief that Denard will start. My little birdie sources say that Tate is mending an injury and is not ready, and that Denard will take the first snap. Frankly, as far as I'm concerned that is fine with me. Tate has XP, but he's an arrogant toddler. He finished the season much worse than he started it, so I'm perfectly fine with a fresh start so long as Denard has improved his pocket presence in practice.

It is also my belief (because it must be!) that Michigan will win by 10 points, but I do believe it will be a high-scoring game. Don't get unnerved when Connecticut scores a ton of points, because our defense this year is young and lacking. It is also my belief, should we lose this game, the chances of rumor #6 or a version close to it increase exponentially.

Please win, please win, please win.

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer: Epic pass

I can't freaking wait for the final two movies. I also attended the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Universal Studios yesterday and it was both epic and emotional. More to come on that in the near future.

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Bars without free water: Fail

Obviously I've been down lately, so the idea of being sarcastic and snarky was not appealing for quite a while... leaving me very little desire to post anything here.

... but I knew, one day, something would happen that would put me over the edge... something so ridiculous and terrible that I wouldn't be able to help myself from sharing the story with the world.

that story happened while I was in Florida on Friday.

I was out with my ladies, dancing and what have you, when I discover I'm parched and could really use a break from the noise/dancing/scummies. Luckily for me, we were at a locale in Ocala where a few bars are actually connected (and themed!) so you can walk among them without going outside. We were in the club/ho area, so I decided to go to the rodeo side for some softer music and h2o. I should preface this by saying that I was wearing a wristband for free entry, and unless I forked over $10 at the door for the ladies-drink-free-all-night deal, I would have to pay as I go. I elected to do the latter. I approached the bartender and it went something like this:

Me: Three waters, please.

Mean Bartender Lady: That will be $7.50.

Me: *Confused face*
No, three WATERS.

MBL: Bottled water is $2.50.

Me: No, not bottled water. Just water. From your squirt gun. Into that cup right there.

MBL: I can't give you water. You don't have the ladies night wristband.

Me: I just want water.

MBL: I can't help you. There's a machine over there.

Peeved and confused, I told my friend Beth (who did have the glorified blue "ladies night" wristband) about the situation and asked that she attempt to get water.

Beth: One water, please.

MBL: I can't help you at this end of the bar. Ladies night drinks get taken care of at that end of the bar.

Beth: .................................. ok.

Beth (at other end of bar which is literally only three feet to her right): One water, please.

Mean Bartender Man: Bottled water is not included in ladies night.

(yes, you read that right. $7 and $10 alcohol is included. bottled water? even the free kind? no way.)

Beth: No, not bottled. I just want water.

MBM: It will be $1 extra. You don't have a cup.

Beth: I have to buy a cup for water?

MBM: You're supposed to keep your cup.

Beth and I are angry. But at this point I'm also so thirsty that I'm afraid I might pass out right there from heat stroke. In retrospect, perhaps I should have let that happen and then I could have sued this place for THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS YOU MEAN BARTENDERS. So I traveled over to the vending machine that MBL pointed me to and I paid $2.50 for a bottle of water, and not one of those full-size ones either... the really ratty small ones with the weak, crunchy plastic.

But this story is far from over.

I get back to my corner seat on a barstool with my friends and suck down half the bottle in one gulp. I set it down to regain my breath. I tell a joke. I laugh at my own joke. I look back at the table.

Me (to Beth, or whoever will hear my cry): Um, my water.... is gone.

Beth: What?

Me: I think someone stole my water.

Beth: Are you serious?

Me: My water............ is not here.

Beth: THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.

At this point I really want to curl up in to a fetal position, suck my thumb, and just cry it out. I really do. Instead flames come out of my ears (Beth's too), my eyes go black and I turn into Janazilla.

ME: THIS IS RIDICULOUS. OH, SURPRISE SURPRISE. Water is such a hot commodity in this POS place that people are STEALING IT LIKE PRECIOUS PAINTINGS.

Beth: This should be illegal! Is this illegal? It should be illegal!!!

Rachel (another friend in company who is now aware of situation): This is the land of Disney and Mickey Mouse! Disney lets people bring water, why don't your??!?!?!

Me: I'm outraged. I'm really quite mad.

Beth: I am too.

Me: *lip quivers*
I'd like to go home now.

fin.

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A tribute to Dad

I haven't posted anything in a very long time, and I'm not likely to return to the snark today. My father passed away on June 6 after a battle with a brain tumor. I'm going to miss him every day, but it feels good to remember all the fun times we had...

So for no other reason than to make myself feel happier/better, I'd like to share some photos from the past few years that we had together. Some of them are from our travels to Florence, Venice and Paris. Others are from U of M football Saturdays and my eventual graduation, as well as dinner parties and silly moments.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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