Links! I have them!

It's been a while since I've spammed links of mild to incredible interest, but I realized I was retweeting a majority of the links in my feed.

Harry Potter News:

Evidently, Professor Snape aka Alan Rickman aka the coolest cat in England is returning to Broadway now that HP is over. I would pay great sums of money to see this.  I would also pay great sums of money to hire him as my wake up call--coolest voice ever.

Meanwhile, HP's star, Daniel Radcliffe, is wasting no time signing up for new projects.  His newest flick, The Woman in Black, is due out in February I believe.  But apparently he could also play Allen Ginsberg in Kill Your Darlings.  This is.... not the happiest of screenplays... so I guess it's not a stretch from his ghost thriller and his nudie-equine-loving-lost-boy character on Broadway's Equus.  Good thing the Harry Potter fandom spans more than a few generations.

Vampire News:

Chris Meloni might be cast in True Blood's 5th season? Really? Evidently he would be a very powerful vampire... so perhaps an Order member?  He certainly has that vamp look, but I don't know how I feel about watching Law & Order: SVU's favorite detective becoming the sexual predator he once hunted.

Summit Entertainment won a legal battle over non-licensed Bella jackets.  So, add that $$ to the over $500million they've already made on Twilight's Breaking Dawn: Part 1.  I also heard rumors of a possible merge of Summit and Lions Gate.

Hot Guy News:

Zac Efron is playing the next Nicholas Sparks movie heartthrob, Logan of The Lucky One. Yeah, ok.  Fair enough.  At least I remembered what happened in this Nicholas Sparks book.  Usually when I can't remember I assume A) it takes place in North Carolina, B) the woman is lost and beautiful, C) the man is a blue collar type from her past, and D) you can flip a coin to decide if someone dies.

Daniel Craig apparently doesn't appreciate the Kardashians, as with the 99% of the rest of the U.S. (3 million viewers out of 300 million people = 1%)  I usually don't appreciate these sound bites because of their attention-getting nature, but I'm also glad he said it and not me.

Snow White News:

There are two Snow White movies coming out next year.  Or maybe it's three--but I think the third would be animation.  Regardless, the trailers are out for both live action films. There is Snow White and the Huntsman, a rougher, tougher adaptation with 8 dwarves instead of 7, featuring Charlize Theron (evil queen), Kristen Stewart (Snow White), and Chris Hemsworth (hunstman).  Then there is Mirror, Mirror, the whimsical comedy version featuring Julia Roberts (evil queen) and Lily Collins (Snow White).  Game on, Snow.

... speaking of Snow White, I suppose the entertainment biz is really pushing fairy tale fantasy right now... i.e. ABC's Once Upon a Time and NBC's Grimm. Either there is zero good original content out there, or our country is in desperate need of a happy ending.

Scary Asian Movie News:

Oldboy.  I watched it once, and once was enough.  Spike Lee and Josh Brolin want me to watch it again, even if only to prove that they A) won't butcher the third act, and B) WILL butcher the third act, in a more literal sense.

Akira is still bumping around the movie universe.  Once upon a time, I heard that Zac Efron was a possible lead.  This did not go over well.  Then I heard Leonardo DiCaprio and Joseph Gorden-Levitt were attached.  This might be ok.  Then I heard Garrett Hedlund (Tron Legacy) was set to play the main character, Kaneda.  I also heard Gary Oldman might play the lieutenant.  The lesson here is that no one knows anything.

The HOBBIT News:

If you have not been following the updates on the Hobbit Facebook page, I suggest you do so.  Peter Jackson has been releasing "The Making Of" videos while he's making the film, so you get to see behind-the-scenes stuff before even a trailer is available.  It's pretty bomb diggity.  Dwarves! Hobbits! Elves! Dragons! YESSS!

That's all for now.

Also, it snowed today.  Hurray, holidays!

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A story in which I die first in a horror movie: Fail

So yesterday it rained pretty hard.  People were like, whoa, look at this rain.

 

There were a few moments driving when I had to double check that my car headlights were on, because they just didn't seem to be illuminating anything.

 

This leads me to my acquaintance with something scary last night.  Given that it's almost Thanksgiving, I have family coming into town.  My brother flew in last night, and I drove to my mom's house to cook dinner for everyone.  The house was empty when I arrived, and it was still pouring rain so I decided to park in the garage.  I proceeded to unload the groceries from my car with the garage door still up when I felt that cold, dark shudder you feel when something peculiar catches your eye.  I spun around.

 

AHHH!.... what was that...

 

Since I was in a lit garage and outside it was dark and stormy, I obviously could see nothing.  But I could hear something.  I have no idea what, but I knew I could hear it.  Then suddenly...

 

Dark flash of movement!

 

GAHHHHH!!! WHAT ARE YOU???

 

My thought didn't immediately go to serial killer, because in that part of town we've had trouble with coyotes and such in the woods by our home.  But I'd be lying if I said serial killers didn't cross my mind.

 

:::more noise more noise:::

 

This is the moment in scary movies where the hot chick who opens the film goes to investigate the noise in her basement or attic or wherever, and is shortly thereafter maimed, spiked, slaughtered, etc.

 

I have mocked this moment 1,000 times.

 

So what did I do?  I began to investigate the noise.

 

It was right around the time that I was peaking outside at the edge of the garage, still hearing the rustle rustle sound, when I realized I had become the brainless bimbo... and that, if in fact something scary was about to attack me, I would surely die.  And it would be my fault.

 

So I skedaddled inside, pressed the garage door button from the safety of the house, waited five minutes, and went back to unload the groceries with a golf club in hand.

 

So it just goes to show... maybe those scary movie chicks aren't so stupid after all.  Maybe our initial reaction to the unknown is curiosity--we must investigate!  I must hit the car in front of me while I strain to see the accident on the side of the road!  I must make myself vomit because I must see the thing, even though I know seeing the thing will make me vomit.

 

To my credit though, it only took me about 60 seconds to realize I was in that situation and to duck and run like a coward...

 

... but a coward who survived.

 

Also, it was probably a squirrel.

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Awards! With shiny stickers made to resemble crests of honor! Pass!

I won a journalism award! Hurray!

 

Winning awards feels good. That's obvious.

 

Winning an award for writing something that resulted in mass amounts of hate mail feels even better.

 

The award was a second-place finish in enterprise reporting in the Michigan Press Association's Better Newspapers Contest. The three-part series was about teen pregnancy in Washtenaw County. I wrote it with two colleagues who, like myself, have since then left the newspaper business. Interesting, huh?

 

This has been exciting for me for three reasons. The first reason was the surprise factor. It was unexpected because I left journalism and am no longer "in the game." So the furthest thing from my mind was my past work and this contest.

 

The second reason? We moved into Class A. I have won MPA awards before, but at that point we were competing in Class C or D. This past year, however, reorganizations and restructuring that went on in our company meant that we had to compete in Class A this year. Winning something in Class A means you competed with the big circulation newspapers, all of which have higher staffing levels and, arguably, way more experience. So that's flattering.

 

The third reason for excitement came from wanting to rub a few faces in it. People really harassed me when this series ran, which was hard because this was the last thing I wrote at the newspaper before leaving for my new (current) job. I literally finished typing up the third installment, hit send, and started packing my personal belongings into a sad little box. The 2-3 weeks leading up to that moment had been riddled with hate mail, threatening voicemails, and even drop-ins who wanted to leave me with some "literature" to educate me.

 

It was controversial because the first installment discussed the merits of Planned Parenthood in terms of teen pregnancy prevention and support during a time when Congressional Republicans were pushing to revoke PP's federal funding.

 

Remember this soundbite?

 

 

Senator Jon Kyl's famous Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement rippled through pop culture, showing up in amusing Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert segments. It trended as #NITBAFS on Twitter. It was hilarious and fun.

 

But it wasn't fun when people accused me of killing unborn babies. It wasn't fun when people said I was most certainly going to hell, and that my ethics and writing were the worst they'd seen. 

 

You know what is fun though? Winning awards.

 

 

"I win! Yeah! In your face! In your face! IN YOUR FACE!"

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@AnnArborcom, the enforcer of Fight Club

Within the digital pages of our town's online "newspaper," called AnnArbor.com, comment threads are policed by "comment moderators," aka AnnArbor.com staff. If a comment is deemed off topic, antagonistic towards others, inappropriate, etc., it is removed. In the comment's former place, you see a post from the moderators saying, "A comment that violated AnnArbor.com's conversation guidelines was removed."

 

Yesterday my comment was removed because, you guessed it, I broke the first rule of Fight Club.

 

As you may (and should!) know, the first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

 

I thought I had a real zinger of a comment for a news story yesterday. The story was about finding places to park downtown for less money. The writer explained how to find cheaper parking by pointing out which meters are available at half price. My knee jerk reaction to such a story was similar to the final shot of Darth Vader in Revenge of the Sith.

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

Why would they DO THAT?! Why would they tell everyone where all the juicy parking meters are??!!?

 

The first rule of Parking in Downtown Ann Arbor is: you DO NOT tell people the good places to park in downtown Ann Arbor.

 

So, naturally, I decided to make my sentiment known by posting the first rule of Fight Club as my comment on the story.

 

My comment did not make it to the page, which got me to thinking...

 

Do the staff of AnnArbor.com have a secret Fight Club ring? Is sparring with one another their go-to activity on slow news days? Either the moderators DID get my joke, and removed my comment as a return zinger because I had, in fact, also just broken the first rule of Fight Club... OR, the moderators didn't get my joke and thought I was being off topic or argumentative with someone. I hope it wasn't the latter, because it was a VERY on topic comment: stop writing stories that will take my best parking spaces away.

 

Hats off to you, AnnArbor.com, if you actually meant to school me and/or if you operate a secret ring of fighting bandits.

 

If it's neither of those things, then...

 

 

 

 

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Welcome to my soup, bacteria: Culinary Fail

Have you ever made yourself an ice cream sundae, and then dropped it on the ground before you could eat it? "BOLLOCKS!" Have you ever popped some cookies back in the oven for "a few minutes" to finish up, and then forgot they were in there so as to ruin the entire batch? "SON OF A NUTCRACKER!"

 

Those two things both suck.

 

Know what is worse than that? Spending two hours making a huge pot of soup, enjoying a few bites of it, and then leaving it at room temperature for so long you have to throw it all away.

 

This is the tale of my weekend. I got all excited about fall... so I cleaned, did laundry, went for a run, etc. And then I thought, 'I know! I'll bake pies! Make soup! Braise meats! I'll be Martha Effing Stewart.'

 

Martha Stewart probably doesn't forget to put her masterpiece in the fridge.

 

I went to work on a "quick" minestrone recipe that afternoon, which took me two hours to make because of my poor knife skills and the necessity to have uniform dices. It was delicious. Chris and I had two small pre-dinner samples before jetting off to see Moneyball at the theater.

 

We got home and there was the Dutch oven... still resting sadly on the stove. "CHEESE AND RICE!"

 

I was so mad that I literally ran (on my legs, not metaphorically in a vehicle) to the grocery store, stocked up on the same ingredients I purchased earlier that day, and made the soup all over again... at 9PM. I was going to feast on leftover soup this week if it killed me...

 

I did manage to cut the prep time in half, so it only took me one hour this time to recreate my soup. That means either my knife skills improved, or I had more close calls with my digits than I'd care to admit.

 

Some people have tried to make me feel worse by offering comments like, "Well it might not have ACTUALLY been bad. Soup is hardy; it was probably still safe to eat."

 

But you know what sucks even worse than recooking a huge batch of soup? Spending all night puking it back up.

 

Put your leftovers away, people.

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Snape... Snape... Severus Snape.... DUMBLEDORE: HP Puppet Pass

 

This is an old video that most HP fans have seen at this point... but it's been stuck in my head the last few days. And every time I hear "DUMBLEDORE," I giggle uncontrollably--not a good thing to do when you sit in a lobby with lots of strangers passing by.

 

---jana is not laughing at you. (or is she?)

 

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Yes, lady, I broke the pasta sauce bottle: Dexterity Fail

Sometimes I break things. I try not to, but sometimes it can't be helped. My wee midget hands are not equipped with the necessary phalanges to transport Object A to Location B without dropping it onto Floor C.

 

Case in point: I splattered a glass jar of EXPENSIVE pasta sauce all over the floor yesterday while unloading my groceries in the Busch's checkout aisle. I must have been trying to move too quickly.... the little moving tarp thing was moving on without me and I must.... fill... the space.... So I fumbled and dropped the bottle. It smelled nice, but there was glass and a large mess.

 

It really wasn't a big deal. The cashier was cool about it and was nice enough to not charge me, even though I offered to pay.

 

Alas, the woman behind me was less than accommodating. She kept scooting closer, then backing away, then rolling her cart closer, then backing away again. It's like she needed a running start to approach the checkout. She was visibly battling with herself... do I stay in this aisle?... do I switch aisles?... do I stay for a little while and THEN switch aisle?? And between each try, she would glare at me. There was *plenty* of room for her to unload after me, by the way... somehow I managed to break it off to the side by the magazine rack rather than in the middle of the aisle's walkway. But eventually she just reversed it out of my aisle and tried someone else. Then the little grocery helper came with his box of baking soda and his cleaner kit and roped off the area.

 

The rope really made me feel bad... causing someone to rope off an area because of how HAZARDOUS and DISTRACTING it has become.

 

I'm sorry I broke the sauce! I'M SORRY!

 

Don't hate me. Hate Muir Glen Organics for making their bottles so girthy.

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