Thursday, July 19, 2012

Eye Exams and Birthdays! Pass!


My birthday approacheth...
I near the ripe old age of 26, thus I will no longer be in my "early twenties."  Twenty-five was that no-man's-land when I could pretend to still be the youth of the age, but very much aware of how I no longer belong in certain clubs.  I now venture into that realm of adulthood in which my online dating box, if I had one, would include '26-30.'  Friends are getting married, girlfriends are popping out babies--adulthood is here, my friends, whether I like it or not.  Two years ago, I bashed the crap out of that Disney princess castle pinata.  I don't see any reason why I can't do that again this year.  You know, for uncomfortable laughs.
And, since I'm getting old, and since my contact lens supply is dwindling, I set up an appointment with my eye doctor to see just how blind I am this year.  Just as blind as last year?  More blind?  Dare I say, LESS BLIND?
It turns out I'm of the same exact blindness, which is nice.  Eye doctor lady told me that near sighted people tend to 'peak' at 25, at which point their vision stays the same, or begins to get slightly better... that is, until you hit another 'old lady' benchmark and start getting more blind, but in the I-can't-read-my-newspaper way.  So being 26 means my vision stays the same/gets better.  Who knew?
It also means I can take out a rental car without paying an astronomical insurance premium.  Hurray for small favors!  (Is this the last "benchmark" birthday? No, there's always senior citizen status, when people will start giving up their seat on the bus for me... and I'll get into Disneyland for uber cheap.)
ALSO ALSO.  Visiting the eye doctor meant facing my lifelong nemesis: the eye puff machine.  (Cue tension-filled instrumental music.)
Some may recall that last year's eye exam included getting puffed seven or eight times or something.  They assistant got mad at me and wrote in my file that I was "difficult" and "resisted the test."  Damn right I resisted the test...
This year I did GREAT.  I practiced all day.  I kept holding my eyes open real wide and staring at a dot across the room.  I psyched myself up.  Of course, once I got there and had to stare at the red barn, the twitching showed up.  I took some breaths and tried to calm myself... things like "it's ok, eyes, it's just the red barn... that clicking doesn't mean an air jet is approaching you."  It sort of worked.  It only took three four tries this year to SUCCESSFULLY puff both eyes.  Improvement!
This oldie but goldie is signing out...
This video has been cracking me up all day.

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